telltalemikey

I am only one,
But still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
       - Edward Everett Hale

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
 - William Shakespeare

Accept challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.
       -George S. Patton

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.
 - Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
   - Abraham Lincoln

Man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed, but not defeated.
    - Ernest Hemingway

There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan

Progress is the activity of today and the assurance of tomorrow
       -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.
- John Heywood, sixteenth-century English poet

mondays are always so hopeful. you gorged yourself all weekend and now you say, “this week will be better.” well, i’m hoping this week really is better. in retro-spect i didn’t do too bad last week, but i am really aiming for a weight-loss this week. my son’s bday is this weekend so i need to be super good during the week to accomplish this goal. i beleive it is time to switch things up a bit. i am one of those unlucky peoples that often platuaes. my body is too damn smart, and i am constantly needing to change things. my plan this week is to shift my focus from cardio to strength training. hopefully this will give me a little boost and also shrink some inches. wish me luck:)

i am not a morning person. never have been. i cherish my sleep. i’m the kind of person who doesn’t see anything wrong with sleeping the better part of a day away. on an average i sleep about10 hours a night. and only wake up when my 2 yr. old starts poking at me. so, it’s beyond me why i was wide awake this morning at 7 am. but i discover some  amazing secret- it is quiet  in the morning. everyone else is asleep and the house is calm. i’m starting to wonder what i’ve been missing out on. i was able to sit down with a cup of coffee, read a little, watch the day/weather progress, and hear myself think. i even squeezed in a 20 min. powerwalk(on the treadmill, on an incline). is this the beginning of something beautiful? well, i’m not sure about that- but i am enjoying it for now.

okay, so yesterday was rough. if you read my blog you know i was struggling. i have a long history of binge/emotional eating. and it stems from my childhood. last night it had me good. my stomach was in knots. with all your support and a lot of self discipline i did not give in. and this morning i realized something about it. i CAN make the choice not to binge. i DO have that power. it was not luck that kept me out of the kitchen last night. i always have the ability to say “no”. i awlays feel so out of control when those feelings hit, but that is just a cop-out. i always have control of my choices(you know except in extreme circumstances). sometimes will be harder than others, and i’m not saying i’ll never slip(i am not perfect). i guess i’m just feeling like i’m one step closer to taking back the power food has had over me all these years. one small victory, but victory non-the-less.

i’m not sure what to even write. i’m just trying to keep myself out of the kitchen. i am so mad right now! all day i’ve been battling the urge to binge. nothing sounds better than gorging myself on sweets and pizza. but i know i will just feel guilty. and i’m scared to gain the weight back too. i’m so sick of it though. why must everyday be a struggle? why do i have such a sick relationship with food? is there nothing i can do about it? i mean, in general, i am a happy positive person. i have a great family and i enjoy life. it is just in this one area that i struggle. every second i am hanging by a thread. just a moment ago i had the ice cream, chocolate syrup, and candy out. ready to make a concoction. i had the calculator adding up my binge so i could put it in my food journal. when i got on the site to log the info. i thought,” look how much work i’m going to so that i can binge!”. there is something unsettling about that. it kinda made me sick to my stomach! i said f-it and put everything away. brushed my teeth and decided to write a blog instead. so here i am, venting, hoping this will help. feeling crazy and stupid with every word i write.

well, i’m a little dissapointed that i haven’t seen any change on the scale yet. i have followed all my goals, but alas i am still idling. this is going to be a loonnnggg day! already i dropped my breakfast on the floor, met defeat on the scale and am struggling to keep the binge monster at bay. i can feel him trying to rear his ugly head. and i have no idea why. it’s kinda scary to know i’m hanging on by a thread.here’s hoping the day brightens up!

“hope” is the thing with feathers.

hope is the thing with feathers-

that perches in the soul-

and sings the tune without words-

and never stops-at all-

and sweetest-in the gale-is heard-

and sore must be the storm-

that could abash the little bird

who kept so many warm-

i’ve heard it in the chilliest land-

and on the strangest sea-

yet, never, in extremity,

it asked a crumb-of me

Emily Dickinson

today started off on a rough note. my son was sick, and i had about as much energy as your average garden slug. everytime i thought about the exercise i needed to do i started groaning inside. i know we’ve all been there, so how is it i turned it all around? 30 min. on the treadmill. after much delaying and self-pity i managed to drag m self on the machine. the boy was enthralled with arranging his potato-head, so i was able to fit in a solid half hour. granted it was only a fast walk, with a few short running bursts thrown in. but i felt 100X better when i hoped off. it is amazing how a little physical activity can make such a difference. our bodies were made to move! in this day and age they get neglected more than ever. we have transportation to take us anywhere we need to go. nice comfy furniture to rest on. when you stretch those legs, get them pumpin, move your arms, whatever- you are made aware of what your body is capable of. and it’s a good feeling. magnificent:) and i will try to remember this tonight when i’m procrastinating to do my strength training.

okay, so this weekend i decided to pick up a couple new pairs of pants. my size 12/11’s were getting pretty roomy(hooray!). after MUCH time in the dressing room i discovered that i can now comfortably fit into a size 7. and also fit, but more snuggly into a size 5/6!holy crap. i haven’t been able to wear a size 5 since high-school. and even then i had to lie down and pull the zipper up with a coat hanger, then wear a big sweater so you couldn’t see the rolls seeping out the top. i was shocked. granted, all pants are different(brands/sizes). and not all the 5’s fit me(some were not even close!). i even struggled with a pair of 7’s. still, i gotta say i was tickled. i was also a little perturbed. if i am truly the smallest i’ve been in a long time, why do i feel just as fat? what is your idea of thin?

this was a crazy weekend indeed. first there was my husbands show, which went well. I was able to stay away from the bar:) then i stayed at my in-laws. that is where my good intentions dissipated. us girls spent our time shopping, dining, and latte sipping. my diet cares went out the window, and not a thought of exercise crossed my mind. now i am reaping the consequences. guilt. and what i like to call a ‘food hangover’. bloated, sluggish, dehydrated and tired. usually  accompanied by an upset stomach. from past experience i know how important it is to pick myself back up. it is inevitable in any weight-loss goal, life will get in the way. sometimes it’s unavoidable. things come up, birthdays, parties, vacas, etc. sometimes(as in my case it) just boils down to poor choices. either way, you gotta pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and continue making those good/healthy choices- keep striving. if you can do this you will succeed.

up late this morning and pretty damn tired. today is my husbands show and we gotta get rollin so we can set everything up. it will be a busy day/night indeed. i have awoke from my slumber with an incredibly sore back. i would like to just take the day off. but, yesterday i was lientant on my food choices and exercises- better not make it two in a row. after this post i will throw on my sneakers, stretch myself out, and get my workout in. i will be trying to stay away from the bar tonight, no need for empty calories- WATER please! and will bring along some healthy snacks.

hope everyone has a super-dooper friday, and an amazing weekend!