i feel sick!
i’m not sure what to even write. i’m just trying to keep myself out of the kitchen. i am so mad right now! all day i’ve been battling the urge to binge. nothing sounds better than gorging myself on sweets and pizza. but i know i will just feel guilty. and i’m scared to gain the weight back too. i’m so sick of it though. why must everyday be a struggle? why do i have such a sick relationship with food? is there nothing i can do about it? i mean, in general, i am a happy positive person. i have a great family and i enjoy life. it is just in this one area that i struggle. every second i am hanging by a thread. just a moment ago i had the ice cream, chocolate syrup, and candy out. ready to make a concoction. i had the calculator adding up my binge so i could put it in my food journal. when i got on the site to log the info. i thought,” look how much work i’m going to so that i can binge!”. there is something unsettling about that. it kinda made me sick to my stomach! i said f-it and put everything away. brushed my teeth and decided to write a blog instead. so here i am, venting, hoping this will help. feeling crazy and stupid with every word i write.
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Hey, no, you aren’t crazy or stupid, in fact, you are recovering from a life of insanity! Thats when you keep on doing the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome. Well, you’ve stopped that kind of behavior. That isn’t your style now! Now you are doing the same things over and over, positive, good things and you are seeing the results.
Not being happy about not binging is something that will change in time. It won’t always be this hard. Plan some of the things you really love into your calories so that you don’t feel so deprived. Read Chrisie blog for a little encouragement about getting tough with yourself. It’s excellent. You’ll be happy you said no, so just hold on and I promise you’ll be glad! Maybe sleep will help. I know it does me.
Wow, that was a really raw blog. I guarantee you that many of us here can completely relate to it. I know I can. But stay strong girl…you are HERE, getting the support you need! What a wonderful gift this site is. You are going to be ok! Being here is the first step, and proof that you WILL DO THIS! I have faith in you! Ask yourself: What do I really want? Do I want this icecream concotion that will take me ten minutes to eat, or do I want to be proud of myself and that much further on my weight loss journey? I think you will find the answer is simple, most of the time. Remember that we’re here for yoU! Oh…and YAY to you for coming here instead of eating that junk! WOOT!!
I am so proud of you for doing what you did. That took some courage. I know it was tough…but at least you can wake up the next morning and feel happy with yourself.
Hang in there
You are absolutely right… You’ve made a huge transformation, and to blow it would be sad. Try keeping fudge-cicles around. They’re a nice low fat alternative.
Michael, first I am very proud of you for not giving in to temptation. With that being said, if you watch your portions you CAN have that slice of pizza (better than have a whole pie), you CAN have the sweets (as long as you don’t eat the whole candy store). Just remember it’s all about portion control and you will be fine!
i want to thank you all for the support.i am feeling a little better today. i did not binge last night-woot! there is a lot of wisedom in your comments and i appreciate every one!